Quick Tips for Raising Children
1. Practice what you preach. Children are very sensitive to hypocrisy in parents. When you don’t walk your talk, your credibility with your children will suffer. If you tell them not to waste time on television, or not to use alcohol or profanity, make sure you do the same.
2. Follow through. Do what you say you will do. This, again, is a credibility issue. If you tell your 4-year-old he can’t have dessert unless he finishes his veggies, you had better follow through if you want to be taken seriously in the future.
3. Use positive reinforcement. Behavior that is rewarded with positive comments and attention will likely be repeated.
4. Keep a high ratio of positive to negative communication. Just like a marital relationship, a parent-child relationship will suffer if negative messages predominate. To have a strong relationship, the vast majority of the things you say to your child must be positive.
5. Have fun together. If your child’s experiences with you are boring, frustrating, or otherwise unpleasant, those unpleasant associations will color the child’s relationship with you. Just as doing novel, fun things together as husband and wife strengthens your marriage, doing fun things with your child will strengthen the parent-child relationship. A strong positive relationship is the foundation of successful parenting. If your child does not have a positive bond with you, he or she will not be cooperative.
6. Make a healthful home environment. You, and your children, are what you eat—physically, spiritually, and mentally. Give your children a healthful diet. Television, videos, books, magazines, and music can all bring messages into your home that negatively influence your family relationships. Television shows, for example, often portray parents as bumbling selfish hypocritical fools, that promiscuity is exciting, and that marriage is boring. Your children will tend to believe what they are repeatedly taught. Your task is to make sure they are being taught the truth.
When it comes to making rules about entertainment, remember to practice what you preach.
7. Listen to your child. If a parent is critical, demeaning, or indifferent to what a child says, the child soon learns that it is unsafe to share personal feelings, and may become resentful or question personal judgment or self-worth. Conversely, when children are encouraged to share their ideas and feelings (but always respectfully) even if they differ from those of the parent, trust develops, feelings of self-worth develop, and the relationship is strengthened. Positive conversation builds a positive relationship. As children reach their teen years, they will often be less willing to talk. Listen and talk with them now while they are still willing.
8. Validate your child. Validation means showing your child that he or she is a person of worth. You validate your child’s worth by listening to her concerns, giving her a hug, expressing encouragement and support, expressing gratitude and love, and showing kindness, understanding, and consideration. When a child is consistently validated as a person of worth, she will develop confidence and trust. Compliment your child generously. Your positive comments will help them feel better about themselves. As they feel better about themselves; as they feel loved and admired; they will be capable of behaving better and will have a better relationship with you who are providing the validation.
9. Respect. You cannot expect your child to treat you with patience and respect unless you treat him or her that way first. Everyone deserves respect. You are the one who needs to teach that to your child—by your example.
9. Work with them. Children can learn to enjoy, or at least tolerate work, as you work together with them in a positive way. They best learn how to work by watching and working with you.
10. Give them reason to care. Make the effort to learn and meet their needs so that they can feel a desire to listen and be willing to do as you request.
