Romance in Marriage

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Your wife, like every other woman, is an affectionate and sexual creature by nature. However, like flowers in a garden, these dimensions of her personality can fully blossom only in a healthful environment. The ideas below will help you to provide such an environment.

For a woman, sexual attraction is based on relationship. Your wife will be more inclined to feel sexual desire for you if you have developed a solid spiritual and emotional relationship with her. This is why you won’t get very far with her without first meeting the most important of her 7 basic relationship needs. Once you are doing your best to meet those needs, the following tips will help you to bring out the kitten in her.

Be interested in her, not just sex

Romance is desire for a person, not just an activity (sex). Show her that you find her fascinating as a woman, not just as a tool for your own pleasure, and that you yearn for complete intimacy with her: spiritual, emotional, and physical. Show her that you are interesting in getting to know her thoughts, her dreams, and her body. Show her that you want to know her, not use her.

Reward her attempts

You can encourage your woman to be more flirtatious by reacting positively when she says or does something you like. Reward her with a smile, by moving closer to her, mentioning how good she makes you feel, or how she makes your heart beat faster. Never belittle or make fun of her attempts to be flirtatious with you. If you do, she will be hesitant to try again until you have regained her trust. Tell her what she does that you especially like, and how those things make you feel. Stay positive.

Appreciation is a powerful reward for a woman. Express frequent appreciation for the affection of all kinds that she gives you. Let her know that you see physical intimacy with her as a great privilege. A note, phone call, or gift may make such an expression more meaningful to her. As she feels sincere appreciation from you, she will be more desirous to physically give herself to you. If she does not receive appreciation from you, she will probably feel used.

Flirt positively with her

Wink, smile, whistle, gaze adoringly at her, etc. If you give her a taste of how fun flirting can be, she may want to join in.

Talk with her

Conversation is the simplest form of seduction for a woman. Speak kindly. Ask her how her day was. Listen attentively without giving advice.

Pour fuel on her fire

The mantra of real estate may be location, location, location but if you want your wife to want you, you had best go with attention, attention, attention. First, be certain that you are meeting her basic relationship needs, then pour on extra attention, including plenty of non-sexual affection. Non-sexual affection is fuel on your wife’s romantic fires because it helps her to feel emotionally close to you. If she feels emotionally close to you, she will have a greater desire to be physically close as well.

In short, treat her like a princess. Smile at her every time your eyes meet. Give her a hand with chores. Admire her verbally, and let her see it in your eyes. Give her tender tactile attention. Make her laugh. Buy her little gifts. Write her a note, card, or letter. There are a thousand ways to show her that you care for her and find her attractive. That is the way to a woman’s heart.

Give her sensuous affection the way she wants and needs it. Make it good for her. The more she enjoys her physical relationship with you, the more she will want.

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Find her ready pleasure buttons, and push them frequently

Find a way that you can touch her that she will readily accept and appreciate. It may be rubbing her shoulders at dinnertime, massaging her scalp or brushing her hair in the evening, or applying lotion to her feet at bedtime. Once you have found it, do it cheerfully and enthusiastically on almost a daily basis. Forget about what your own pleasure buttons are. Your mission is to find and push hers. She will then be motivated to find and push yours. You will then each be focused on pleasing each other rather than yourselves.

Give her a sense of feminine power

You can encourage her feminine advances by showing her the power they can have over you. Power is addictive. Forget the machismo. If she sees that she can play you like a musical instrument, she’ll want to develop her talent. Every woman wants to have something a man desires, and to be able to withhold or give it — but especially to give it. Let her see how powerful she is.

Let your feelings show. Let her see you turn and smile when she walks into the room. Let her see you melt at her touch. Tell her how good she makes you feel. Watch how she responds, and be careful that you don’t overdo it or it may appear manipulative.

As a result of your positive responses, your woman will feel more desirous to be intimate with you and to try new things. Encourage her ventures. Build her confidence, and she will blossom as a lover. Never belittle, criticize or make fun of her attempts to be flirtatious or intimate with you. If you do, she will be hesitant to try new things until you have regained her trust. The positive, patient, sensitive approach is always best. Never reject her advances. Rejection is destructive to desire. Always be willing.

Be selective of what you watch and read

Your ability to enjoy your wife’s physical affection can be influenced by the sexualized images of other women that you see all around you. Such images leave you less satisfied with your wife’s appearance and behavior, draining the pleasure from your marriage. Eliminating them will allow your marital relationship to function as it was designed to, and will allow confidence, intimacy, beauty, and pleasure to fill your relationship.

Research has shown that television distorts our perceptions of reality.1 Television can be particularly damaging to a man’s view of femininity, and thereby reduce his enjoyment of the natural pleasures of real femininity. This can be caused by a contrast effect as well as by simply getting faulty information over and over again.

1“The effects of television consumption on social perceptions: the use of priming procedures to investigate psychological processes” by L. J. Shrum, R. S. Wyer, Jr., and T. C. O’Guinn, Journal of Consumer Research 24: 447-458 (1998).

Make her your sole provider

Sex is the glue of marriage. That glue should be binding you to her and nobody else. Let her be your only one, and let her know that she is. Your wife cannot trust you completely or give herself completely to you unless she knows that she is your sole source of sexual gratification. Knowing that you are trying to be sensually faithful to her can also increase her desire to meet your needs.

Reserve all sexual touch and play in your life for her. Make all fantasies revolve around her. Don’t act as if you are still looking. Flirt only with her. Avoid looking at images of seductive women, including pornography. If she is the definition of sex in your life, then whenever you are intimate with her, you won’t have competing memories or expectations to ruin the moment. What she is and does will always be fresh and exciting.

Be spotlessly clean

Clean is sexy. Looking or smelling unwashed is generally a turn-off. While men are very keyed in to how their women look, women are more keyed in to how their men smell.1 Do your wife and yourself a favor by not offending her olfactory sensibilities with your mouth or body odors.

The areas of your body that she will enjoy getting close to will be limited to those that you consistently keep clean and odor free. Scrub everywhere using plenty of soap. If you don’t smell clean, she won’t believe that you are. You may be able to eliminate some odors only by shaving or trimming body hair. Get feedback from her by occasionally asking her how you smell. Then do something about it. You won’t go unrewarded.

You are likely to have bad breath on a regular basis unless you make a special effort to prevent it. Most bad breath is caused by bacteria on the tongue and at the gum line. To get rid of the bacteria under the gums, floss meticulously at least once daily and brush carefully, paying special attention to the gum line. To remove the offending bacteria from your tongue, brush the sides and upper surface (all the way back), then rinse and repeat again until your tongue is pink.

You can also take advantage of the female sensitivity to smell by using pleasant smells to romance her. Try running her a bath with scented bubble bath in it, lighting scented candles, or feeding her some chocolate or black licorice.

1“Sex differences in response to physical and social factors involved in human mate selection: The importance of smell for women” by R. Herza and M. Inzlichtb, Evolution and Human Behavior 23:359ñ364 (2002).

Warmth

A warm physical environment promotes warm behavior. For example, research has shown that when people are given a warm rather than a cold drink, or a warm rather than a cold object, they are more likely to show generous behavior toward others.1 Try some hot chocolate, a warm fire, or an electric heater.

1“Experiencing Physical Warmth Promotes Interpersonal Warmth” by Lawrence E. Williams and John A. Bargh, Science 322:606-607 (2008).

Shape up

The fact that she’s less visually obsessed than you are doesn’t mean your pot-belly and skinny legs are without negative affect. If you need to slim down and tone up to look and feel more masculine, try The Diet Dropout’s Guide to Natural Weight Loss.

Give her a break

Exhaustion is not compatible with amorous feelings. Whether she spends the day away at work, or at home raising children, she is likely to be as tired as you are by the time evening comes, and with it, never ending housework. Regularly let her get away and spend a couple of hours out while you handle the kids and chores. Have the kids in bed and the kitchen clean before she returns. She will come back refreshed and with warmer feelings for you.

Take her away

A date with her each Friday evening can work wonders. Go to a park and play on the swings, get an ice cream or fast food, go to a restaurant or concert, take a scenic drive, or take a board game and play it in your car. Take a walk in the moonlight, in a scenic area, or even in the rain. Being able to look forward to a date each week will give her something to think about that is of benefit to you.

Arrange a weekend away with her occasionally.