Romance in Marriage

First, read about the need to be shown respect if you have not done so already.

A woman needs her husband to show respect to her in the way he speaks to her and of her—to always speak highly of her to others, and to never belittle her. Never speak sarcastically or sharply to her. Make sure she feels safe from any kind of abuse or harm, including verbal abuse from you or others. Treat her with at least as much deference and courtesy as you would an important business associate or celebrity. Be honest with her and respectful of her feelings. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Be patient and quick to forgive.

Take the Smart Talk course to learn how to show respect to your woman in the way you communicate with her.

Be emotionally faithful to her

In general, difficulties between you and your mate should not be divulged or discussed with your mother, your friends, or anyone else you are emotionally attached to. Work the problems out with her, pray, and/or get professional help, but keep your marital relationship sacred.

Keep confidences. She won’t share her secrets with you if she doesn’t believe you will keep them.

Confide in her. Share your deepest secrets and dreams with her, not others. Beware of situations that allow the formation of emotional attachments with other women.

Be sensually faithful to her

Your wife cannot trust you completely or give herself completely to you unless she knows that she is your sole source of sexual gratification. Be absolutely faithful to her sensually, and let her know that you are. Absolute sensual fidelity to your wife means:

• Not acting as if you are still looking. Flirt only with your wife. Don’t throw away what you worked so hard for.
• Avoiding all images of seductive women, including pornography. These images will drain the pleasure from your marriage. They will make you unsatisfied with her appearance and behavior. Eliminating them will allow your marital relationship to function as it was designed to, and will allow confidence, intimacy, beauty, and pleasure to fill your relationship.

Sex is the glue of marriage. That glue should be binding you to her exclusively. Let her be your only one, and let her know that she is.

Involve her in important decisions

In order to feel safe, a woman needs to feel some sense of control over the important decisions that affect her life. Think about how you would like to be involved in important decisions that affect the home and family. Make sure that she is a partner in all major decisions.

Let her make her own decisions

Give her room and freedom to develop, trusting that she is trying to do the right thing (after gently voicing your concerns if you feel it necessary). Consider the legend of Sir Gawain’s Marriage by Thomas Bulfinch, paraphrased below.

To make a long story short, Sir Gawain had married an ugly witch in order to win the release of King Arthur, who had been captured by some bad guys. On their wedding night, as he brushed his teeth and then slowly walked down the hall toward their bedroom, Sir Gawain was resigned to the idea of a hopelessly unfulfilling marriage. But when he opened the door, he found not an old hag, but a beautiful woman, just kicking out of her pointy black shoes. As he stared, dumbfounded, she asked him if he would rather have her beautiful by day and ugly by night, or the reverse. He mumbled that it would be great if she were beautiful by night, when he could be alone with her. But she noted how much more pleasant it would be to her to if she looked her best amid the throng of knights and ladies by day. Sir Gawain yielded and told her that she should make the decision. The gorgeous woman before him then promised that, because he was willing to let her make such an important decision herself, she would remain her beautiful self by day and by night for him.