Meet Your Wife’s Need for Domestic Support
First, read about the need for domestic support if you have not done so already.
Define Your Roles Together
If your wife works outside the home, you must share with her the responsibility for keeping a clean and comfortable home. Many women feel burdened because their husbands expect them to do most of the work at home even though they both work outside the home. Keeping a hands off attitude toward housework may make you look macho to your friends, but it won’t get you very far in your marital romance. If in doubt, try it both ways, and see which gives desired results. Chances are that a woman who isn’t exhausted at the end of the day, and who feels a certain amount of appreciation for and closeness to her husband, will be a more pleasant and affectionate companion when the housework is finally done. Helping with the laundry, dishes, and floors is also superior to television-watching in providing mental and physical exercise and basic peace of mind. You will then be able to relax in a clean house with a woman who has a smile on her face and gratitude in her heart.
Domestic support may mean something different to her than it does to you. Find an opportunity to discuss this subject lovingly and patiently with her. Talk together about which chores would mean the most to you for her to do and listen to her preferences.
Even in these non-traditional modern times, many women are grateful when their husbands assume the role of providing for the family, and many more wish that their husbands would. A recent study has shown that American wives, at least, are typically happier when their husband earns 68% or more of the household income.1 On the other hand, your wife may be in the other 32% and prefer to take an equal or greater role in working outside the home and providing household income. Discuss her expectations with her and try to accommodate them.
Marriage is not about duplicating roles, but rather about dividing them in harmony. If your wife currently works to help support the family financially, discuss the issue with her. Even if it means a lower standard of living, she may prefer to give up work to have more time for other roles. Do what you need to achieve your needed income, but don’t overdo it. A husband who spends all of his time at work is not what she needs.
1‘What’s Love Got to do With It? Equality, Equity, Commitment and Women’s Marital Quality’ by W. Bradford Wilcox and Steven Nock, Social Forces 84:1321-1345 (2006).
Make and keep a budget together
No matter how much or little your income, you make choices regarding how some of it is spent. A budget is a plan, a set of priorities, that enables you to spend your money on what you decide you really want, rather than blowing it on impulsive purchases. The essence of a budget is long-term planning that will enable you to live within your means and work toward financial goals.
