Romance in Marriage

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

First, read about the need to feel cherished if you have not done so already.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess held captive by an evil power. A strong and brave prince happened by and saw her plight. He was awestruck by her beauty, and saddened and angered by her captivity. With bravery, cunning, strength, and skill, he fought the evil force (at great peril to himself) and rescued her. Placing her upon his horse, he took her away to be his bride and live happily ever after. The princess in every girl and woman wants to be delighted in, pursued, fought for, and rescued—in short, to be cherished.

Be her knight in shining armor. Treat her like a princess. Always speak to her kindly and respectfully. Care for her tenderly. Keep her safe. Admire her beauty. Tell her you love her at least once daily. Be all hers, and let her be your only romantic desire. Make sure that she is your number one priority in life—ahead of your children, family, work, and friends—and that she knows it.

One of the best ways to make a woman feel cherished is to listen to her and respond with compassion. When she tells you about a problem, she usually needs your undivided attention, genuine interest, and empathy more than she needs you to find a solution for her. It is your attention, understanding, and compassion that will make her feel cherished.

They do not love that do not show their love.—Shakespeare

Give her what she really wants

Once you have created a healthy friendship with your woman, take your relationship to the next level by giving her what she really wants—to be your highest priority. Being your highest priority means that you have a sincere regard for her happiness, and you make her feelings more important than those of your friends, your mother, your co-worker, a stranger, etc. For a woman to be willing to make sacrifices for you, she must see that you are willing to make sacrifices for her. She won’t be willing to sacrifice her comfort for you unless she knows you understand her and will take care of her needs, even at personal sacrifice. Learn your part. She’ll do hers.

Need her

A woman needs to be needed by her man. You may have been a fully functional independent individual before she came into your life. Now, however, she needs you to need her. She won’t feel like a complete woman until she knows that you do. Think of the many things that she does for you, how she supports you in difficult times, how she makes you a more complete person. Then open up and share these thoughts and feelings with her. She will feel closer to you for it. Learn to share your feelings, happy and sad, with her regularly. Let her know your hopes and dreams. Let her be happy with you in your accomplishments, and sad with you in your disappointments. You will both benefit.

Be a true husband

She is your wife, the mother of your children. You chose her as the woman you would die for, the woman you would give your life to, the one who would be your best friend. You want the best for her. You want your best friend to have a husband who respects and admires her above all others, who is completely faithful to her, who would not carelessly hurt her, and who treats her like a queen. Be that husband. When your woman realizes that you are watching out for her (instead of yourself), then she can put down her defenses and her weapons and start watching out for you. Selfishness kills romance. A constant and fervent regard for her happiness helps romance grow. The least a woman needs and deserves from her husband is absolute fidelity and loyalty, and constant kindness and courtesy. Be responsible, pleasant, honest, patient, and careful with her feelings. Assume the best about her motives—not the worst. Believe that she is a good person who wants to do right by you. Then make it a little easier for her to do so.

Shower her with attention

Kids need it. Women do too. Although your feelings for your wife may help motivate you to mow the lawn or work long hours at your job, these actions can not substitute for personal attention. Daily positive personal attention shows that you cherish her. Sincerely compliment her daily. Sincerely express your appreciation for the big and little things she does. Do it daily. Tell her you love her—tenderly, and often. Kiss her in public. As you shower her with attention, she, like a garden, she will blossom and give you delicious fruit.

Shock and Awe

Catch her in the kitchen cleaning up or preparing a meal. Put your hands firmly on her hips, turn her around, kiss her tenderly, look her in the eyes, and say “I sure do love you. You are so precious to me. Thank you for being my girl.”

Be agreeable

In a successful marriage, according to the Gottman Institute, a wise husband, instead of stubbornly trying to hold his ground, will instead try to accommodate his wife in her desires. If his wife says, “Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready,” he is being foolish if he replies, “My plans are set, and I’m not changing them.” Women are naturally more accommodating than men, and in any given marriage, the wife probably expresses this virtue quite well. If the husband can learn to be generously accommodating also, a true partnership can develop.

Fight for her, not against her

A woman wants to be rescued by her hero, not assaulted, verbally or otherwise, by him. Never put her down, even in a joking manner. Be on her side. Pull with her, not against her.

Listen with your heart

Make sure that your wife can sense that you understand, or are truly trying to understand, what she thinks and feels, and that you respect her opinion, even though you may not agree with it. Respecting her opinion means not belittling it or dismissing it out of hand. Realize that while men tend to fight for their point of view, and place high value on winning a debate, women more often try to talk things through, empathize, and work towards mutual understanding. Even though you may win a debate with her by force of logic, you will have lost something more important if you make her feel unloved in the process. On the other hand, if she feels that you truly value her feelings and want to work with her, she will be much more likely to give your ideas a chance.

Don’t try to fix her feelings. If you think she is overreacting to some situation, never criticize her emotions. This will only make her feel defensive, misunderstood, and unloved. Instead, acknowledge the reality of her fear, pain, disappointment, or whatever feelings she has. Once you have acknowledged those feelings and shown understanding, she will be better able to leave the negative feelings behind.

Give her a hand

Nothing makes a woman feel appreciated quite like her husband sweeping and mopping the kitchen floor for her, or regularly helping her with other tasks that seem to have become hers by default. Service produces feelings of love and appreciation in the giver as well as the receiver. If you are having a hard time feeling love for your lady, then sacrifice your time and energy for her. Your feelings will follow your actions.

Tell her with gifts

She may be able to buy things for herself, but jewelry or other small gifts will mean much more to her if you have put thought and effort into selecting, buying, and presenting them to her. Throughout the animal kingdom and throughout the ages, males have won and re-won the hearts of females by presenting them with token gifts. A woman is hardwired that way. Just because it doesn’t make sense to you, doesn’t mean it won’t work for you.

Admire her physical beauty

A woman naturally likes having her body admired, at least by someone she trusts. A man naturally enjoys admiring feminine beauty. As you work together with your mate in finding occasions to genuinely admire her body, both of you will be rewarded with pleasure, mutual appreciation, and good will. Tell her with spoken words, a note, or a look, that her eyes are pretty, her figure is comely, etc.

Get a clue from her

You can learn how to better cherish her by observing how she tries to cherish you. Does she leave little affectionate notes for you to find, call you just to talk, rub your shoulders, or buy you little gifts? She may be doing for you what she would really appreciate you doing for her. Try some of the ideas that you get from her this way, and see how they warm her heart.